Tonight while I put the girls down Sage told me she was scared, then Sophie said the same thing. I wondered if they saw something on TV or heard something that scared them. As we chatted, they said they were scared of the mean people from China. I asked what they meant, this is the first time they've said anything like this, they said their neighbor friend who they've started playing with lately told them the mean people from China might come and hurt them. What? I'm not one to overreact, but this is upsetting! I clearly don't know the content or how it came up, so I'm trying not to judge harshly, but I'll definitely get to the bottom of it.
We have always been up front and open with the questions they have about China and their adoption. We've kept it very positive, just like it is. We have told them age appropriate things, adding more detail as they get older. After the initial shock the girls went through (at age 3) as they left the only home they knew in the orphanage and came to perfect strangers (I sent them pictures to help prepare them, but), their whole world turned upside down for a few days then it didn't take long before they knew we were their family and we loved them dearly. They embraced us deeply and wouldn't leave our side, so happy to have a loving family! It took them awhile to trust again. They now say they never want to go back to China (I'm sure in fear that they will be left). We would love to go back for a short trip sometime soon, explaining to them they will never be left again.
I know kids can say some crazy things. I reinforced S & S that "mean people" won't come and hurt them, that they are safe in their own home with parents & brothers watching over them. I also added, the next time to tell her friend that "there aren't mean people in China that will hurt them." I believe they were well cared for and in a decent place until they could come home. I'm disappointed that they heard this, but I'm not worried, they are strong, smart, resilient girls. I'm grateful for their trust in me and knowing they can confide in me.
Tonight when I went to check on them, Sage was asleep in Shophie's bed, with her sis.
Since I'm on this topic, any ideas or examples anyone has on talking to their daughters about their birth mother? The girls have never asked (I'll probably wait until they ask, and I want it to come out right). Right now they view themselves as Americans that happened to be born in China (which they are), but with no birth mother in the picture. She is a special lady in my heart that will always be a part of them. I don't think I'll bring it up before they ask, but I want them to understand it well. We have our favorite popular adoption books we like to read together, and "The Giving Tree" is a favorite of Sage's, it brings up many quiestions about her past. Although they've never brought up their birth mother. Wish she could see their beautiful smiles...
What? Don't you dare, your face might stay that way. Silly girls. They like to tease me and make me laugh :) Love them to pieces!